Of Politicians, Goats and Monkeys.

This is a phenomenon that I have seen frequently in Tamil families but here I wish to see this in a lighter vein. It happened that my friend Srinivasan, my colleague who was then 37 and a bachelor, came to me feeling out of sorts. Asked what was the problem he said that his sister’s marriage had been fixed .

‘But that ought to make you feel happy. You have been telling me that she is 39 and the family was very dismayed at the delay. Why are you so sad?’ ‘I am happy she is getting married but the problem is that my parents had made a promise to Lord Balaji that once an alliance is found for my sister my head would be shaved and the hair offered in a gesture of gratitude to God’ he said sadly. Sudhir did not fancy the bald look. He confessed that his friends would indulge in ribaldry at his expense.

As a creative guy I was asked for a ‘creative’ way out without offending his parents or God. I told him ‘Tell your parents that in case your hair is shaved off it will never grow back. You will be left bald and that would put paid to any chance of you getting married. And you do not have any younger brother who could offer his hair to Lord Balaji for your benefit.’

Convinced by this creative argument, the family approached me to find a loophole in Hindu traditions that will remove the guilt arising out of a broken promise to God. Readers may not know that I have done a deep study of loopholes in Hindu tradition and only modesty prevents me from getting a PhD for my expertise. My advise – it is confidential and patented - to the family worked, they are happy.

Srinivasan is now married, sports a sparse but not embarrassing crop of hair, and is happily married, to a Punjabi girl whose brother, sadly for Srinivasan, indulges in ribaldry at his expense anyway.

But the point I seek to make is something more significant. Koda the former Chief Minister of Jharkand who allegedly amassed a sum of Rs.4000 crores is now a household name. But what may not be known to many readers, unless you are an avid observer of bizarre matters as I am, is the news item that Koda’s wife Geeta conducted an animal sacrifice ceremony at a Durga Temple to propitiate the Goddess so that her benevolence may be showered on her husband and he be spared the trauma of a jail sentence.

The love between the pair is touching. But why should a goat lose its life in order to save a man who deserves to be punished? Is it the goat that deserves a death sentence or someone else?

To believe that no matter what sin you commit you will be absolved of it if only you pray to God or conduct some ceremony is to insult God. I suggest an honest way out for Koda – return the stolen money, apologize publicly. Repent for the heinous acts and pledge to serve the poor of which his state has more than its fair share.

I do not claim to either believe in God or speak on His behalf but I am sure I speak for well meaning people that if Koda does this he will rise in our esteem and will never lose an election.

Talking of goats let me tell you this real life experience of mine that is not only hilarious but also is a comment on the bizarre beliefs of many people not necessarily illiterate.

I was driving on the Delhi - Jaipur highway many years ago. At one point I saw myself stranded in the middle of a traffic snarl extending several miles in both directions as I learnt from a bus driver. No one had any definite clue to the origins of this snarl. Finally I noticed a senior policeman and asked him what all the fuss was about.

‘Sir a truck ran over a monkey about a mile down this stretch, The enraged local people have taken it as an insult to Hanumanji and are demanding monetary compensation from all vehicle drivers. They have demanded on the spot government sanction to construct a Hanuman Temple in the middle of the highway exactly at the spot where the monkey was killed.’

‘But this is ridiculous. How can you have a temple in the middle of a highway ?” I asked. ‘I agree but how can you tell that to an angry mob? There is a possibility of a riot here. Please get out of here soon if your value your life and car’ he advised ominously.

‘I looked around and found no way I could leave the place and get back my car intact. I then resorted to my repertoire of loopholes. I walked about half a mile and met the leader of the agitation – a politician - as is to be expected. Saab, Main Hanuman Bhakt hoon. I am a Hanuman worshipper’ I lied blatantly .

‘Sir tell your followers to let the traffic move and later construct a temple by the road side. You can enhance your stature and electoral prospects by agreeing to get the required permissions, collect funds and having it constructed. Also you can spread the rumor that highway vehicle drivers who offer prayers at this temple will not be killed in an accident’ I said all this with a wink.’

The neta could see that the dead monkey could reincarnate as a cash cow! He could also see the benefits to the local people—the tea shops, dhabas, the flower sellers, the bidi stalls etc.

I understand the temple has come up and is another addition to the folklore that attracts the gullible to the temples seeking divine favors, ranging from requests for H1B visas, to good marks in an exam, to a baby boy, to a new car with an extra spare tyre!

The contrasts one sees in India are breathtaking. On page 1 of a newspaper we read about India’s moon mission to be followed by a mission to Mars., On Page 3 we read about how our models and film stars are striding the firmament in fashions straight out of ‘Vogue’ magazine.

In the Edit page we read about how we aspire to be a superpower and then move to the next page to read about abject poverty, to the ‘Science and Technology‘ page where we read about an Indian scientist winning the Nobel Prize, and then suddenly pops up a report of a truck driver running over a monkey on a highway...

I tell my American friends that traveling across India is like seeing several ages of Human history unfold you in stark ‘live’ performance. Neanderthal man to the ultra modern man – we have them all.

‘Jai Bajrang Bali’ says the slogan on many a Toyota truck. By the way talking of monkeys few know that they teach us some important lessons. My nutrition expert friend tells me that monkeys are happy because they eat bananas! This is no superstition. Hanumanji does us a lot of good after all. Let us go bananas over this... K.R.RAVI U.S.A